Nostalgia
by starlight.moon.princess
Summary: Nico is a child of the thirties, and the waters of the Lethe were never meant to be used on the living. It's not easy for him to admit that he's attracted to Percy :: NicoPercy, from Titan's Curse to post-Giant War


**A/N: This was inspired by Milly's comment on how difficult it would have been for Nico to admit his sexuality. So Milly, this one's for you :)**

**WARNINGS: References to homophobia, HOH spoilers**

* * *

The waters of the Lethe were never meant to be used on beings who were still alive. After all, there was a reason it flowed through the Underworld and not above ground.

* * *

Nico is ten years old when his mind is washed in Lethe's waters. There is not much he remembers, apart from the fact that that Bianca is his elder sister, but there are some things not even the River of Forgetfulness can wipe completely.

It doesn't matter that he returns to the world in the twenty-first century. In many ways, he is still a child of the thirties at heart.

* * *

Nico's ten. He's not an idiot.

It doesn't take him a long time to realise that he has feelings for Perseus Jackson, and that is something that truly worries him. He may not remember the thirties, at least not consciously, but – well, he was Italian. He still remembers what happened to the men who were branded with the pink triangles.

He's gone and fallen for a boy – for a _male_ – and it **terrifies** him.

* * *

He's good at hiding. He has to be – logically, he knows that they don't care in this century, but logic doesn't really play a big role when it comes to fear.

He's good at hiding, because it's not only Percy that cannot know.

No one can.

* * *

Kronos is gone. His grandfather is out of the picture for at least the next few millennia, and really, that should thrill him.

But Percy's kissing Annabeth underwater, and he doesn't see anything to celebrate.

* * *

After that, well it just seems like so much routine. Fake a smile when talking to Percy, avoid everyone else apart from Hazel and him, try not to summon skeletons to kill Annabeth – after a while, he's doing it unconsciously.

And then, of course, Percy decides that jumping into Tartarus is somehow a good idea.

Things…are a bit different after that.

* * *

Nico has never wanted any being dead as much as wants to send Cupid to his father at the moment. The god of love is standing in front of him, grinning away that stupid grin, and Nico would really, _**really**_ like to summon a couple of the undead – they might not be able to destroy him, but he's sure that they'll hurt all the same.

Of course, they need the sceptre more than they need to satisfy Nico's newfound urge to create pain and death. And really, he doesn't have a choice – if he doesn't admit, Percy **will** die, and that's not an option at all.

So he does the only thing he can – he admits it, all the while painfully aware of the fact that Jason Grace is standing right beside him. He's terrified, but despite all his fears, Jason doesn't look at him disgustedly – he accepts him, and Nico thinks that he might be able to open up to someone apart from Hazel now.

* * *

Nico still remembers what they used to do to gay men, and Jason's acceptance isn't going to completely erase all of the pent up fear.

* * *

He doesn't want to tell Percy. They've been going along just fine without that revelation hanging between them. But Percy and Annabeth have broken up, and Piper – who's somehow found out the truth during the Giant War – insists that Percy has been _**looking**_ at him.

Besides, she's promised him that if he doesn't say anything, she will. So really, he has no choice.

But he's a child of the thirties, and as he stands there in front of Percy, fighting the urge to shake in his boots as he opens his mouth, it's images of concentration camps and broken bodies that come to his mind.

He can handle rejection, he really can. What he cannot handle is disgust, and it's that possibility that haunts his thoughts.

(Of course, the fact that Percy kisses as soon as he stuttering words are out of his mouth is his first clue that the older boy is anything but disgusted by Nico's feelings. But as he starts to speak, his fears are still real.)

* * *

Nico di Angelo is a child of the thirties, and nothing, not even the waters of the river Lethe, can change that fact. The memories he still has of that time will always be a part of him, will always play a part in defining who he is.

But they aren't the only things that define him anymore. He has Percy now, and in the scheme of things, that's a more significant fact about him that which decade he was born in.

He'll always carry around a piece of the past in him, but that doesn't mean he cannot also lug around a piece of the future by his side.

* * *

**I hope you guys liked it! As always, please don't forget to drop a review on your way out :)**


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